How You Know Your House Is Haunted

1) Your aunt Edna reads you bed time stories, only thing is Edna's been dead for 5 years
2) You wake up on the toilet even though you swear you were in bed? I don't know
3) Your brother is being an asshole for no known reason, something must be up?
4) You see a floater in the bathtub, must be like a ghost. How does it float? Supernatural?
5) Your stash of Half moons is always missing. Worst part is the ghost replaces it with Joe Louis cakes. Super scary
6) tHe Senators always lose on Saturday nights. Must be the work of the devil? I wish I knew
7) When I laugh really hard and also drinking milk at the same time, it ALWAYS comes out my nose? Really?? Not normal
8) I can't have a nap without someone tapping on my window. Or someTHING? Still, it might only be my neighbor Charvis whose a complete a-hole. He doesn't even mow our grass when he's doing his. Talk about lame
9) I see a severed head in the basement that blinks at me
10) Granny drank a quart of gin and went missing for 2 days. Was she abducted? Maybe drunk and passed out under the stairs. We still don't know