Tuesday, October 14, 2014

check out my new site - www.bRian5or6.com

hey guys, glad you made your way here but i've changed my site address. If you're not redirected then click this link: bRian5or6's new site

Friday, October 3, 2014

Why i'm excited for the new season

One reason is I just love hockey. And I love the Ottawa Senators. But what i don't like is when my brother always tries to fist fight me when his favourite player, Jared Cowen, makes a mistake in his zone. Like, my brother will yell "I CAN'T TAKE THIS FUCK NO MORE" and then he just takes a swing at me, usually knocking me unconscious.

I think Kyle Turris is GOING TO DOMINATE THIS YEAR. But what scares me is that in our attic, I think lives a ghost. Because one time I was drinking GIN and then I saw my Granny take off running and when I looked up, I saw a 2-4 of beer just smashed to pieces. ONLY A GHOST WOULD DO THAT OR MY UNCLE RONNY BECAUSE HE'S MAYBE DRUNK ALL THE TIME BUT A GHOST SEEMS MORE PLAUSIBLE. Also, sometimes the walls bleed....

This is the year that Craig Anderson turns things around in the crease. But what might happen is that he gets hooked on the mini chocolate bars from Halloween and then he sleeps way too much because he's on the sugar hard and then he misses one practice, and then Paul MacLean calls the police because he's worried. But he was okay though, he was only sleeping.

I'm pretty sure this is the year that we might win the Stanley Cup. BUT this one time when I was in school, a girl named Sandy pushed me off the monkey bars because my face was "way too ugly". And you know what? That really hurt my feelings. Like, I had to order 2 pizzas that day just to calm down. And then I got my first job selling cookies door to door but I was fired because I sold a years supply to my Aunt Cheryl for only $2 and one pepperoni stick.

The last reason i'm excited for this season is because I think Erik Karlsson will do great as the next captain. But I still can't get over the fact that Pizza Hut changed the cheese in their stuffed crust to processed cheese. GIVE ME A BREAK PIZZA HUT, WE ALL WANT REAL CHEESE. WE ARE ALL DISAPPOINTED IN THIS DECISION.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Top 10 signs it's officially summer

10: When your brother wakes you up and yells "LETS PLAY BASEBALL" and then though he takes a line drive directly to the nuts and the whole family is just crying and Uncle Jim gets arrested because of the liquor

9: Granny starts lifting weights outside at 6am because it's nice outside but then you hear mom yell "WHAT THE FUCK?" because Grannies bed is on fire on account of the lit cigarette

8: When my dad bought me roller blades but I was scared to try them, but then my dad yells "WATCH AND LEARN YOU FUCK" and he gets going down the hill 80mph and then you just see a cloud of dust and then an ambulance

7: When you see Uncle Jim pouring the liquor down the sink and he yells "ITS FOR YOUR OWN DAMN GOOD" and then your Granny taking a shovel to the side of his head. Happens every summer hahaha

6: You find out on the news that Jason Spezza wants a trade and then Granny yanks the TV off the wall and chucks it through the neighbours car windshield. That was the fourth time granny was arrested this summer

5: When you see a watermelon truck deliver 4 crates of watermelons followed by a vodka truck deliver 4 crates of vodka and then Uncle Jim walk out in his underwear to sign for it and then he gives the delivery guy a big hug

4: One time it was so hot out so I took off my shorts but forgot that I wasn't wearing underwear and then the girl named Sammie pointed and laughed at my peener

3: When you FINALLY get to wear sandals but then your brother is learning how to drive and he puts the car directly through the living room window pinning Aunt Edna under the car pretty good

2: When you FINALLY get to open the pool but Dad is drunk and electrocutes himself hardcore to the point where he shits himself :(

1: Your first Corona is opened and then you drink 23 more in one sitting and then you put your neighbour in a headlock because he's a fucking asshole.