Happy Thanksgiving!!

Thanksgiving is a great time of year. Good food and good company. That's in most households, not mine. Here are some vomit inducing examples:

1) Uncle Ned somehow managed to swallow the turkey wishbone. That wishbone got lodged into his throat and he began choking uncontrollably at the table. Dad tried to step in to help but he only made it worse. All that pressure inside the throat allowed the bone to pierce through which in turn splattered blood all over Aunt Cheryl's face. She looked like that girl Carrie from the movie Carrie. Ned lived, but for some reason he talks like a robot now and when he smokes, it comes out his throat. Very unnerving

2) There was the time the rabid raccoon decided to join us for dinner. Out of no where this little guy jumps on the table drooling up a storm and making funny growling noises. He grabbed the potatoes and went to town on them, and then without warning, he attacked Grandpa Roger, I think without remorse. That was the second time Dad had to shoot his gun that day.

3) And the worst Thanksgiving ever was when Granny brought the dirtiest, most foulest hobo from downtown you've ever seen/smell home for dinner. Granny always had a spot in her heart for those in need and this was the best time of the year to lend a hand and a warm meal. But this little bastard wasn't interested in eating. As soon as he walked in the door he proceeded to take off his pants and have a poop on the living room carpet. Then he yelled " GOOD TUNE MAN" as Rod Stewart was playing. That's when he started dancing....naked. He grabbed Grannies lipstick and started rubbing it all over his face and he kept repeating " NANCY!! WHERE ARE YOU?" over and over again. All the kids were crying due to the paralyzing fear of this situation. Happy Thanksgiving Granny.....whatever